On "Mean" Lolitas

Credit for Original Picture goes to yumi_sanxsushi

"I thought about becoming a lolita, but then I heard that you're all MEAN!"

Sounds familiar? Well, that's not so strange. There has been a lot of talk about how mean we all are, lately. Another phrase that has been used so much that it has become cheesy is that for a bunch of lovely girls, we are very ugly on the inside. 

So, is it true? are we all mean? Are even the majority of us mean?

No, definetely not. And I think that if a person should want to join our community, and then turn away because of the All Lolitas Are Mean-idea, then that person might need to take a deep breath, cool down and then come back to see for herself. Lolitas are people just like all other people, and we are a surprisingly diverse subculture. Some people would say that we are not even a subculture, because they think that the only thing we have in common, is clothes. So, considering that lolitas are a diverse group of people with different personalities, how come that we should all be mean? Well, my answer would be that some people get this idea from secret-communities and a very persistent rumor, concerning the often-referred-to-but-less-often-spotted Elitist Lolita. The Elitist is supposedly a snobbish, mean lolita who only wears brand clothes and looks down upon all new lolitas, lolitas who wear offbrand, and lolitas who are not Perfect. The Elitist is a bit like Bigfoot. People claim that this creature exists, but very few people have actually seen one. This rumor seems to especially thrive in secret communities, which are communities specifically designed to make anonymous confessions. People seem to take advantage of the anonymity to make troll-posts and blatant lies, just to make people mad or hurt someones feelings. 
 So, when people learn about this rumor, I think that many are ready to jump the gun and scream "Elitist!" as soon as they feel that they are being opposed. This tendency is only made worse by new lolitas already being scared of the rumor and of not fitting in.

From what I have seen in the lolita community myself, people tend to be civil, nice and helpful, but! Since lolitas are just people and not all Innocent and Forever Patient Maidens, they can also get a little tired of having new lolitas come into their community very often, which in itself is just nice, but when they all ask the same questions again and again, without taking the time to research their question first, they tend to get a little tired. 
If you are not a new lolita, and still believe the "All Lolitas Are Mean" rumor, maybe you should take a moment to reflect on the issue. Have you ever heard the phrase anywhere other than in Secret Communities or from new lolitas who claim that everybody responded in a mean way to their post? Probably not, but maybe you yourself feel that lolitas tend to be mean to you? Maybe you've just ended up in a bad drama-filled local community, in which case I would say that you should probably just step back and seek the company of more laid-back lolitas online, or encourage your local lolitas to work out their problems! Somebody has to take the first step, right?

If you continuously have bad experiences with other lolitas on the internet, or you are a new lolita  planning to make your first post, let me give you some handy tips!

• Try doing your research before posting a question! Do a google AND a community search and check the archive/memories before posting!

• Try writing your question and/or post in a mature and polite way, but don't overdo it! 1900-century mannerisms can be fun in a sentence or two, but don't use it for your entire post!

• Don't use too many japanese emoticons and the like. Don't use japanese phrases that are not a part of the relevant "Lolita Vocabulary".

• Behave maturely if you receive constructive criticism or if a person tells you to "Stop That!" even if you think that the other person is wrong. No good is gonna come out of starting an argument or slinging insults at each other. It's just gonna make you both look bad. Also, there is a difference between a civil discussion and an argument!

• Don't post stuff that is not lolita related in the slightest, unless the topic in that particular post allows it!

Many of those apply to real life encounters with other lolitas as well! Try your best to behave in a polite and mature manner, and if another lolita does not respond in kind, well, then at least it's not your fault. As I've said before, lolitas are just people with a different aesthetic, so yes, you may meet a mean person in our subculture, but that can happen anywhere! If you meet a person that behaves in a mean or cold way towards you, give that person a second chance and try to be nice. You don't know if the other lolita just had a bad day. Maybe his or her pet died. Simply avoid the other person if she keeps being mean every single time.

If you still want to leave or just not get into lolita because you might risk meeting a person that's not nice to you, or because you have had an unpleasant encounter, then just don't seek the company of other lolitas. Being a lolita is about wearing the clothes for yourself, afterall. You don't need the community to be a lolita.
But you're missing out on a lot of possible friendships if you stay away!